


True Facts About Hobbits (And Dwarves)

by stravaganza



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Animal Traits, Braids, Cultural Differences, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarves, Fluff, Hair Braiding, Hobbit Courting, Hobbit Culture, Hobbits, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2087973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravaganza/pseuds/stravaganza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbits have habits and quirks very similar to hamsters; dwarves have habits and quirks very similar to thieving magpies.<br/>Gandalf is amused and takes notes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Facts About Hobbits (And Dwarves)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ewebean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewebean/gifts).



> If you're reading this and you were at ewebean's livestream earlier today... Yeah, this is also your fault. ;)  
> For ewebean, because she wasn't feeling well. Hope you'll get better soon!
> 
> Warning: wrote this on mobile, there might be mistakes and stuff! If so, do tell me. :)

"If someone ever tells you that dwarves aren't a nuisance- don't believe them. They may be known for their stubbornness, and sometimes their greed, but nothing can describe how they really are. Anything they may see that catches their attention becomes part of their treasure. However, from what I observed, this doesn't really come from greed as much as curiosity, and some inner need to possess."

Gandalf looked up from the piece of parchment he was writing on. Especially when traveling, he found that keeping the dwarves innate desires and impulses under control proved rather difficult.

"The same could go for Hobbits," he continued, "if they were interested in anything else other than food and comforts. They will go looking for warmth where others would search for riches, and long for food the way others need companionship. But at least, that means I am not alone on the difficult mission of trying to keep our company of well intentioned dwarves at bay."

\---

Bilbo looked over at where the old wizard sat, wondering about what he might be scribbling in such a place, and at such a time.

They were camping in a small clearing with tall, thick trees everywhere around it to shield them from the rain pouring down from the sky. Bilbo was soaking wet from the long ride in the unkind weather, and searching his backpack for every piece of clothing he could find, most of them blessedly dry. He stuffed them in his small bedroll, making himself a comfortable, warm nest for when he'd go to sleep.

For the moment, though, he walked towards the little fire they had managed to build underneath a tree with low, drooping branches, hoping to dry himself off at least a bit before resting.

When he sat on a rock close to the campfire, he reached with his hands to warm them up, making himself too distracted to notice the rustling of leaves from a nearby bush. It was only when Nori ran out of it and in front of him that he squeaked and jumped back, his eyes wide with surprise.

"What's going on!" he called, before noticing that another one of his brass buttons, shiny in the firelight, had been plucked away. 'Not again,' he murmured to himself, sighing. He stood and went to look for Thorin, his brow creased.

"Would you tell your men to stop stealing my buttons? They've ruined all of my vests!"

If someone had told Bilbo that he would one day be daring enough to face Thorin Oakenshield with such a demeanour, and for such a trivial matter as brass buttons, he would have called them crazy; if the same someone had explained that it would be possible in light of Bilbo's relationship with the dwarfish king... Well, he would have probably chocked on his lungful of pipe smoke, and sputtered out something as an outraged reply, blushing as he got more flustered as he argued about it.

But seen how things were now between them, Thorin just frowned and looked down at his burglar, Bilbo's rounded face made red by the fire's warmth and the night's coldness alike, observing his distressed features and how he puffed his cheeks out with irritation. That always made Thorin smile a bit, but at the moment a faint glinting was keeping his mind busy. The king reached with one hand, toying for a moment with the last of Bilbo's buttons, before... Tugging it loose and pocketing it.

Bilbo squeaked again in indignation, his hands balled into small fists at his sides. "Not you too!" he complained, his voice a bit shrill.

"Do not fret, little one," the dwarf said, taking Bilbo by the elbow and gently steering him back towards the fire, having him sit down on the same rock as before. Then, from the pocket of his surcoat he produced a tightly coiled bundle of colorful ribbons. Before Bilbo could wonder over where he had gotten them, when and how, Thorin was twining one in the empty holes left behind by his ripped off buttons. Then he did the same with another ribbon on the buttonholes on the other side of his vest, and when he was done he just knotted then together.

"This should work," Thorin said with a small nod to himself, looking up at the hobbit for confirmation.

"I... I think so, yes... But that doesn't make things right! They ruined all of my coats and vests!"

"Ribbons make some things easier. You should appreciate that. And besides, they're nicely coloured," Thorin said. He himself had several ribbons of different fabrics braided into his hair, and before Bilbo could properly understand what exactly Thorin meant with that first sentence, and blush as a consequence, he found himself blushing for a slightly different reason: the would-be-king was now braiding Bilbo's hair, placing red, blue, and green pieces of fabric into his hair.

It was a sign that he belonged to him, Bilbo knew, but he couldn't help his being flustered, even after having been informed by Gandalf of dwarfish habits and courtship proceedings. Perhaps, he was even more flustered now that he knew the proper meaning of it all.

To distract himself from his own silly embarrassment, Bilbo pulled out of his pocket a cookie from the stash he had acquired during their last stop in a village, and started nibbling at it, first at one corner; then he started turning it around in his hands, munching on the whole outline of it, continuing until he had left not a crumble behind.

When he had stuffed his cheeks with it (and several others; the first time he had done that, the dwarves were charmed with his perfectly hobbit way of eating, some of them even risking to call it cute!), he noticed that Thorin was done braiding, and was now looking expectantly at him.

Bilbo smiled and finished chewing on his treat, before thanking Thorin, fingering his tiny braids carefully, his ears warming up with a faint rosy colour.

"Will you share my bedroll tonight, Master Baggins?" Thorin asked, and Bilbo laughed at the formality of it all. Dwarves and their weird courtships...

"Ah- no, sorry. Last time I did I found the sharpest little things hoarded in there. Worse than the dragon himself, that you are! But I can share mine with you, if you would be amenable to that."

"But it's always too stuffed, and too warm..."

"That's how I like it! But... I guess that if you're in I could remove a few things from it..."

If when they left the camp the next morning Bilbo noticed his last brass button dangling at the end of Thorin's new braid, a red ribbon twisted in his hair to hold it, he said nothing. Just smiled to himself.

\---

"But hobbits and dwarves, despite their differences, seen to go along well enough. Maybe, one day, we will be able to say 'famously so'."

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh, this was silly. But the AU-thingy has potential. I mean, hamster!hobbits! So cute. (As someone said, that would explain all the children.)  
> Feel free to contribute, if you wish! God knows anyone has better ideas than me.
> 
> Please, consider buying me a coffee on [my ko-fi page](http://ko-fi.com/stravaganza)! I'd really appreciate your support!


End file.
